QBQ! Personal Accountability QuickNote

At QBQ, Inc., we realize not everyone receiving this QuickNote is a parent with small children. Of course, shaping the next generation is a worthy goal for all, and wherever we can bring PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY to life, great value is added. So please email this QuickNote to parents and teachers everywhere and help us all by helping the little ones.

Sheila, a Dean at DeVry University and QBQ! reader, wrote this:

John, have you ever thought of writing a kids version of QBQ!? And I mean for really small kids?

She went on ....

I have noticed my 6-year-old daughter, McKennah, places blame on everyone and everything around her. After using QBQ! at work with my team, I decided I need to help educate her on personal accountability. At her age she can't handle abstract thinking, but I know she can apply some concepts when told in story form. It is my firm belief that accountability is an idea that should be understood and practiced at an early age. And here's an actual story I could use with her - if it wasn't her own story!!!

We were coming out of a Target store and I was a bit ahead of her struggling with my own bags. Behind me she was messing with a new notebook (with many loose pages) and she dropped it all in the middle of the parking lot! She yelled to me, "Mom, you made me drop my book!" I replied, "How did I make you drop your notebook?" She said, "You were walking too fast!" My first thought: Teachable moment!

Once in the van I began talking about personal accountability. I told her we all make choices and when things don't go right we have to ask ourselves what we could have done differently to change the situation. I gave her an example by saying, "Here's a question Mommy can ask: 'What could I have done to help McKennah cross the parking lot without dropping her notebook?'" She quickly declared, "You COULD have walked slower!"

Biting my tongue, forcing a smile, and swallowing a bit of Parental Pride, I went on admitting I could have slowed down, carried her notebook for her, or helped in some other way. "Now," I said, "it's McKennah's turn!" Using the QBQ! method, I instructed her to ask a question starting with the words "What" or "How," containing the word "I" (not blame someone else), and involving action (doing something).

After several attempts she came up with, "What could I have done to get to the car without dropping my stuff?" Once she got there we were able to talk about solutions such as asking Mommy for help, not playing with the book until we got to the car, or asking for a bag to carry the notebook.

While it may seem like a tough concept, even a 6-year-old can understand and practice asking the right questions. Then they can become more solution-focused and less blame - focused. John, do you agree?

Sheila

Sheila, I say Amen!

Personal accountability can definitely be taught. It's also "caught" by kids when they see mom and dad practicing it. We should never forget: Modeling is the most powerful of all teachers. And you, Sheila, practiced terrific parenting by modeling it first, and then coaching your daughter so well. Possibly better than the QBQ! Guy has himself!

Our 11-year-old Charlene recently hopped into my truck after school and quickly began sharing her frustration with her friend Haley. Char told me Haley had been "bossy, rude, and mean to me" and on top of all that Haley had pronounced herself president of the Cool Crew, a club which Charlene insisted she herself founded. I mean, this is serious stuff in the 5th grade!

So as I am admittedly only half listening to her plight while driving down the street, she suddenly interrupts herself saying, "And yes, Dad, I know what you're gonna say. I should be more accountable and ask a better question like, 'What can I do to help Haley be nicer to me?'"

No, my daughter, that is NOT the right question! But I concluded, though her technique is wrong, her heart was in the right place - I think.

In the end, Personal Accountability and the QBQ! can be learned by "The Next Generation" as long as they see us old folks practicing it first.
And isn't that what good parenting is all about? Yes, I do believe it is.

John G. Miller
Author of QBQ! and Flipping the Switch

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Personal Accountability should be an important part of every organizational culture. Unfortunately though a culture of personal accountability is often times eroded and replaced by a destructive culture characterized by negativity, blame shifting, finger pointing, and poor employee morale.

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